Depression literally strips you of your Identity. It is lost, whoever you were. Depression-fire and brimstone visiting from Hell. It sears every ounce of you until you are flat, breakable, and dust. Then you are bent and contorted beyond reality, left alone with your warped and pummeled mind. Who are you? What is life? What is the point? Where is there meaning?
Years of torture and you glimpse a horizon. The first horizon you’ve ever seen, you are not who you were. You never realized that such beauty existed, such hope. A new light enters your soul. Your mind understands, ever so slightly. You have been creative and resourceful. Despite all the darkness and death you have felt inside, you lived to see this sunrise. The greatest of all sunrises, because it was revealed For you.
Ever Have You Ever reached this first horizon? Seen the greatest of sunrises revealed just for you? When you reach this point you will not know who you are. This is normal. You have not been allowed to reflect positively on yourself. You have not been seeing your strengths, for they were hidden from you. Nor have you seen your personality, for it was stripped from you. Such is the torture of Depression.
Be kind to yourself. You will find that you suddenly — can. Of course habits taught to you by Depression require some patience to let go of. But you will have Hope to carry you on your way. You will see clearer. And Joy can be found again.
Depression will nab you from time to time. It will never forget you. Nor can It quite accept the fact that you found a way to escapeIt. Life will have meaning and these bouts of torture last but little compared to the years you have suffered and endured.
There is an end. Sadly not a severing of ties to Depression. It can take years to find this ending. But it is there. You can do this. You have come so far. You are a warrior and a champion. You are destined to do great things since Depression chose to bring you down. You are not Depression. You will find a way to escape. Be patient with you.
Although many people help you get through your life, I think it’s important to point out who your biggest hero is. And that is You!
Think about it. When you had no motivation to get out of bed, who made you get out of bed? You. You made the choice to get up, drag your feet, and start brushing your teeth. Even if your mom or spouse literally pulled you out of bed, you could have remained immovable and on the floor. Yet, you got up. You made yourself eat food, even though food had lost it’s savor. You took a shower, even though the idea of it caused you anxiety. You chose to go to work, or care for your children, while knowing the great stresses you’d face throughout the day. You made the choice to remember your responsibilities and to do the best that you could.
And you are the one who called on God for help. You are the one who went in to talk with a therapist. Despite social prejudices you started taking medication to better function in your day to day life. It was your choice. Your choice to use the tools given you to seek help and live a less stressful and angst ridden existence. Others may have encouraged or pushed you, but you are the one that had the final say so.
What a beautiful person you are. What strength you have.
How proud we are of you!
You are a Hero.
-Sarah S Mitchell
The other day due to many variables I had a terrible really bad day. Lots of little things that normally wouldn’t have bothered me this day did so and more. After nannying I came home, flopped face first onto my bed, and cried. I kept saying to myself over and over, “I give up. I give up. I give up.” I continued this mantra for a while. (Let me add in here: I did not want to kill myself. I don’t have thoughts like that. I just didn’t want to move or do anything or try.) I sat there for several minutes. My mom wanted to know what was wrong and I could not tell her. I didn’t even want to try. I just shook my head and was mute for about an hour.
In that dark hour I called out to my God. I begged Him to help me, to bring back the joy in my life. It was a very personal and simple prayer.
I then got up and ate a grapefruit. Surprisingly that had a soul lifting effect on me. Eating that grapefruit made me feel happy. I had made the choice to enjoy it.
In reality I had NOT given up. I just reached the point of ‘after all you can do.’ Because prayer is the final thing you can do after doing everything else. If you can still pray you have not given up.
After happily eating my sweet grapefruit I could smile again. I started laughing with my mom and I did some tasks I had been meaning to do.
Later as I was talking with my mom, I said, “suddenly I have so much energy and I feel so happy!” That was when I realized God answered my prayer. I thanked Him immediately. God always answers our prayers. They just aren’t always answered in such a crisp manner. This day there was a night and day difference. I ate that Grapefruit and Bam! I felt good again! What a miracle! Thank you Heavenly Father. I am so glad we have a Father in Heaven who loves us.
-Sarah S Mitchell
A lot of women seek after beauty. And for some reason if they don’t feel ‘beautiful’ their confidence is lost in a chaotic spiral of despair. If someone doesn’t like you because you are not ‘beautiful’ then they are missing out on a new adventure. And that is getting to know You; Your quirks; Your uniqueness; Your individuality; The things that make you tick or feel insecure; The things that make you, You.
The most beautiful masterpieces are the ones that inspire and create deep heartfelt emotions whether there are sharp contrasts or soft edges, they inspire in their own unique way. Yet, each are equally loved. Think about the Mona Lisa, Starry Night, and Cloudgate Sculpture (Bean in Chicago).
Their absence in life would be noticed because they are loved for what they give others. The Bean makes me smile, the Mona Lisa makes me curious, and Starry Night inspires my dreams.
You can learn so much by loving someone, getting to know them, and being kind. Really beauty is how you bring a smile to another’s face, the hug you give to someone in need of comfort, and the gift of a smile that you give to a stranger. It’s looking outside yourself, and the courage it takes to do so, that helps you see your beauty.
Then you will see what truly is beautiful.
-Sarah S Mitchell
Today I felt peace. I also felt the love of God. Church has always been a place of rest for me.
Whether I talk with anyone or not, church is a sacred and personal experience that has strengthened me through the toughest of times.
The tide continually ebbs and flows,
Many times a surge of emotion.
The pulling back from every care,
A lack of actuation.
Peaceful as it may seem,
Sporadic flows the fickle breeze.
In truth, the darkness of a dream;
A storm corrupts and froths the seas.
Sing to me, oh, lovely morning.
The chill of night still aches my bones.
I look for man and gentle loving.
Few there are who fight my woes.
At last a lighthouse, a star on the horizon,
A glimpse of a boat at the shore.
Now I know this voyage and prison.
Alone, I won’t face this plight anymore.
-Sarah S Mitchell
The irrational emotional roller coaster of depression is what this poem is depicting. It’s about the lack of desire and motivation; a plea for help; the hearts yearning for acceptance and understanding from others; and the hope of allies to fight alongside them. At last the hope of divine help is seen, as well as the friend or the family member who have come to help. Never are you alone in this ailment.
Foggy minded, sleeping takes over me.
Barely breathing, my heart yearns to be free.
Blacked out mind, I keep having crazy dreams.
My small universe, broken at the seams.
But there’s a light, it is beckoning me.
There is hope, with help from Divinity.
He knows my heart, the ailments of my soul.
With peace and love, His presence is my goal.
-Sarah S Mitchell
Many people suffer from depression. Some suffer from circumstantial depression and others suffer from a chemical imbalance. Whatever the cause, God does understand what we are going through. He doesn’t always take away our trials for reasons beyond our understanding, but he does give us strength to withstand them. He knows we are trying and He never gives up on us.